Should = Resistance

The word ‘should’ seems to cause me a lot of suffering. It goes against ‘what is’ thereby setting up a situation of resistance. It’s amazing how often this phrase is used in my everyday speech as well as those around me. I hear it in coffee house talks to management meetings.Why do we use it so much? Why do we think everything should be different than the way it is?

Dictionary.com definitions read:
1. pt. of shall.
2. (used to express condition): Were he to arrive, I should be pleased.
3. must; ought (used to indicate duty, propriety, or expediency): You should not do that.
4. would (used to make a statement less direct or blunt): I should think you would apologize.

I read these and feel blech. No thank you. If I “want” something to be different I want to work on making it so. Should is passive and resistant. It doesn’t actually move me forward in a positive way. It’s either a complaint or an act of beating myself up.

Here’s a random list of Should’s I’m going to work on diffusing from my thoughts and communications.

He shouldn’t talk to you like that.
She should be more considerate.
I should do more.
I should be more careful.
Everyone knows that’s how you should do it.
If they aren’t going to do what you want, you shouldn’t be bothered.
She should call me because …
I should do …

Learning all the things that my thoughts do to cause suffering is quite amazing. It’s amazing how these little points of terror can seemingly act like they’re helping you.

Should you no longer have me fooled. I am going to notice your presence and aak myself what really is going on. Am I fighting what is? Am I in a nonacceptance mode?

I’m grateful for self-awareness.