judgment

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love

Let Love Show the Way

So I have been further thinking about my last post (Love – A New Way ) and about how the emotion most humans seem to be directed by is fear. It shows its face by other names such as anger, hurt, anxiety, and sadness so most of us don’t even realize that it is fear that controls our lives and dictates so much of our behavior. Fear leads to reactionary actions vs. pro-active actions. I mentioned how it is deeply embedded in us, that it is our fabric. The thing is, this is still just a layer that sits on top of who we really are – love.

Fear has its place in our lives. It is there to physically help us save ourselves from real imminent danger. There are many scientists who study this and show that what humans have done is hold onto the fear that first ignites and we don’t let it go. It lingers, and then continuously gets triggered on low levels that keeps it going. It’s as if our bodies are confused and we no longer can separate real danger from paranoid behavior. So often when real fear kicks in we ignore it, dismissing it as only in our heads. Often times you’ll hear stories where people say things like, my gut was telling me I shouldn’t have gone down that street, but I did anyway, and ended up getting robbed. It’s important for us to understand that we need to start letting go of all the false fear so that when we really are in danger we can trust it.

Posted on April 29, 2013 by Keli · 0 comments Read More
light

Fearing Our Own Light

As I discover the light and immense love I truly am, I start to understand that it is the light in which we are, that we are most afraid. I believe the doctrines of the major world religions have aided us in fearing our greatest being. Somehow if we shine too brightly or feel too powerful we are not putting ourselves beneath the almighty enough. That somehow it’s seen as creating an idol out of ourselves. We have become afraid of our own light and goodness. So instead, we punish ourselves, over and over, with guilt shame, and beliefs of sin. We make ourselves small, unworthy, less than. We then project all of this, out into the world, onto everyone else with our judgments.

I truly believe God says no no no… be glorious, you are amazing, and beautiful, and powerful. Do not hide behind masks of humility, sin, and shame…shine brightly for you are my child.

Posted on April 14, 2013 by Keli · 0 comments Read More

judgment

Baby’s Non-Judgment

This is a letter I wrote to some client’s of mine and I wanted to share.Aloha K.,

I wanted to share something with you since your baby sparked something within that is beautiful. Please share with [your husband] as well. I was thinking about how easy it is to look into a baby’s eyes and curious as to what that’s all about. [Your baby] K. reignited that feeling for me and had me thinking. It’s so different than looking into the eyes of an older child or an adult. It then came to me very quickly and fully. I probably already knew this, but it was reawakened within deeply. Non-judgment. There is no judgment staring back at me, just pure curiosity. It gives me hope knowing that I came into this world without any judgment and therefore can return to that state. It is my actual pure way of being.
Posted on October 25, 2012 by Keli · 0 comments Read More
words unfolding

Crazy to Awareness

I just wanted to say thank you for lunch. It feels so wonderful to just enjoy you without having all these strings attached that I’ve had. It’s still something I need to work on, to not have strings within all my relationships, but for now I’m just grateful that those strings are falling away with you and I’m able to just enjoy the time I do have with you. I’m surprised really that it could have happened this quickly, but it’s really all about the growth. I’m facing the truth that I didn’t really want it the way it was and I was unhappy because I wanted it to be different. I still miss you of course and sometimes get really really sad, but I feel like the neediness of wanting more is just dropping away. I’m in full acceptance mode of what is.  I’m really able to appreciate more of who you are because the details of it all are no longer entangled with my everyday world. I’ve always wanted to love and respect all of who you are but I would find difficulty because of getting sad and disappointed by some of the very things that make you you, because they didn’t mesh with what I wanted or needed. I hope that makes sense. 

So what I’m saying is that it feels so wonderful to sit with you and talk and share and have it feel so nice. I’m able to appreciate it truly for what it is in that moment and nothing more. It’s a gift and not at all what I could have truly imagined or expected. I thought I would have all these hangups and so far they just aren’t there. Every once in awhile irrational thoughts pop into my head and it seems to be getting easier to talk through them and laugh at myself. I had one last night that really showed me how ‘crazy’ the mind can be. It just makes shit up and I realize how much in the past I would just believe it or somehow rationalize it. I can see it in others too. Ok, I’ll give you the example of the ‘crazy’ mind last night. I hope it makes you laugh, because I did. It all took place for about 30-45 sec. in the shower. 

Background – Last night I sort of wanted to go out, but wasn’t really motivated. I was going to go to the xxxxxx and just didn’t feel like it in the end. I was sort of in the space of not knowing what I wanted to do with my time. I wasn’t feeling lonely or deprived, just at a loss for not knowing what I wanted to do with my evening.  

Got your text – you are at the xxxxxx and will be leaving shortly
Crazy begins – (mind tone is in full ‘attitude’ mode)

-she’s at the xxxxxx?
-I wanted to go out!
-She doesn’t even like to go out on the weekdays
-Why is she out and I’m not?
-That’s not fair (how dare she)
-She’s hanging with xxxxx and watching xxxxx’s band (jealous)

-To myself- didn’t you decide you didn’t want to go out?
-Yes
-So did you really want to go out after all?
-No
-Doesn’t she like to go out sometimes on weekdays?
-Yes
-Does her going out have anything to do with you?
-No
-Don’t you want her to go and enjoy herself and be with her friends?
-Yes
-Then what are you upset at?
-laughing begins – nothing at all 

Then I just looked at the whole dialog and really started laughing at how ridiculous it all was. Then I was grateful that I recognized that my awareness kicked in shortly after the ‘crazy’ had begun and I started talking to myself with questions that were getting at the truth and not something irrational. I mean really, my mind was trying to get me upset that you were out and I wasn’t and that somehow this was even your fault that I was upset. CRAZY

I appreciate these things, I really do. They are my recognition examples of my growth, and continuing teaching lessons. They are palpable.

So thank you my lady. I just love you to death and I’m currently still on a high from our lunch. I’m sitting here just feeling loved and happy. 

Posted on January 28, 2011 by Keli · 0 comments Read More
words unfolding

Epictetus

“Things are never bad; it’s the way you think about them.”

Somewhere deep inside this idea feels truthful. I know perception creates reality. I know that murder in some instances isn’t bad. Bad is a judgment called forth from our own experiences.

But what can be said of genocide? Rape of innocent children?

Even if there is karmic debt involved and learning to be had, are these things not bad?

Posted on December 13, 2010 by Keli · 0 comments Read More