Fur bouncing all around me. Small, smaller, and medium. Youngest, young, old. All different in their personalities and needs. Some need more than others, financially, emotionally, and time.
I am a gypsy or maybe I’ve been a gypsy before and so that feeling of wanting to be on the move is familiar. I love to travel, to experience life on the road, other places, different cultures. I feel alive and I move forward in awakening. I travel in the moment with very little planning. I let the moments carry me from one place to the next. There is so much freedom in that way of living and experiencing life. I try to carry this forward when I am back ‘home’. I seem to pull it off in certain areas of my life but not others.
It has been awhile since I traveled. 2.5 years since I’ve been out of the country. Around 2 years since I road-tripped the USA. I’ve gotten a plane a few times to visit other places I’ve lived and and road-tripped there. The familiar doesn’t seem to satisfy the gypsy in me. Don’t get me wrong, I love to go anywhere and seeing people I love is awesome. The itch of the gypsy sits within, beckoning to be set free every so often.
She has been stirring as of late. She peruses flight specials and flips through photographer images of distant faces and lands. Images of packing one bag for weeks flashes through her mind’s eye.
“No Yoda, we go potty in the kitchen on the pad.” I awake from my gypsy planning and find myself saying this more times than I wish. He looks at me with no remorse but with intention to listen to what I am saying. I go get the cleaner, a rag, and I look at his sweet face and crazy hair. He is learning to trust me and in time will stop going the bathroom in the family room. He is a small puppymill /backyard breeder puppy. Born into fear and then terrorized by some small children, being afraid is all he’s known…before coming to live with us.
It was supposed to be temporary, a foster dog. After all, I have two pups, a 15 year old and a 1.5 year old. But Yoda had different plans. He wanted to stay and I wanted him to. It has been 50 days and he is making great progress. He takes treats from my hands, will come up and sniff me, will bite my fingers, and plays fetch. He is getting more brave every day. He is bold and spunky. He is quick and smart. His hair is fully entertaining. I love him and I’m ok with having three.
I’ve been in my new town for almost two years. Has it really almost been two years already? Within weeks of being here I had this overwhelming sense of familiarity. It took little time to acclimate to my new surroundings. I felt like I had slid right into a place I was supposed to be. Within months it felt like home. A place where even though I wasn’t sure I was staying, I didn’t have one foot out the door. Most towns I’ve lived in, I have loved, but never felt like a fully fit. An outsider of sorts, looking in on community and connection just out of reach. Here I belonged and was learning to connect, trust, and be more honest with myself than ever before. It’s been refreshing. I’ve always longed to want to build roots but couldn’t force it upon my gypsy heart. It’s never felt 100% right. For the first time, it is on this land that has called me to stay and grow and be.
When my dog cole passed in 2011, I said I wouldn’t get any more dogs after Zoe crossed over. I wanted to be responsibility free to be able to pick up and go, whenever, and wherever, at anytime. I started to build my life around that idea. I began working remotely and then decided to quit corporate world and go out on my own. It was happening…I was building this life of freedom. Freedom that was ironically starting to mix with finding a place I felt like I could build roots. I didn’t want to just pick up and go, I felt like I needed longer lasting connection than I get on the road. I wanted home.
Around this time I had decided I wanted to keep a dog an ex and I had been fostering for a friend. She was with her while I left and traveled the country before settling into my new space. The owner decided she no longer wanted the pup and so she was no longer a foster. It didn’t work out though, the pup was settled where she was with my ex and I had to let the idea of her coming home with me go. Within a few months another little soul showed up in my world and I decided to adopt her. I broke my words… a sort of promise to myself of no new responsibilities. But sometimes what you wanted years ago no longer makes sense if you’re truly honest with yourself. I now had a 14yr old puppa and a puppy. And I was happy.
You see, the gypsy heart within is about flow, even if decisions made are for a being’s lifetime. I have recently committed myself to raising two new pups while caring for my aging one. There are days I feel trapped, where distant places seem very distant. With the youngest afraid of people and the oldest having more and more health issues, it is the time to build my roots. Have them reach deep and wide so I have a base to come home to if and when it’s time to spread my wings.
All is as it should be. Sometimes things come into our world to help us be where we need to be. Mini day trips and drives in my jeep this spring and summer will relieve the itch because that is just what it is, an itch. It can be lightly scratched and let go. Home is what is important right now. I have loves that depend on me and I want to be there fully for them. The big wide world may be a great teacher, but I have three amazing ones right here at home. They show me daily how I want to show up in the world. Life is good and I am blessed.