Since I’ve returned from my trip ‘home,’ I’ve been feeling really blah most days. Sort of like walking around like a zombie. I don’t want to read, write, workout, walk, etc. I have my bouts of anger and frustrations with my breakup and working through those are taking me a little longer than they were a few weeks ago. I’m also so tired these days, I just want to sleep sleep sleep. My eating is off as I’m still trying to figure out what food is healthy for my body and acceptable to my heart and mind.
Someone asked me last night if I’m feeling a little depressed. My first reaction was no I don’t think so, but then I thought about it. The symptoms are textbook, but I also know that I’ve not been eating well, taking my vitamins, or working out. Lack of all those could lead to being depressed and being depressed could lead to the lack of motivation to do those things.
So, awareness is first right? I’m not going to allow myself to sleep late or take naps right now and I’m going to put myself on a regular sleeping schedule to get my 8 hrs. a night minimum. I’ve already started my round of vitamins and now that I have some new ones that don’t make me sick that should help. I’ve also increased my vitamin D intake, as I already know from a test it’s low. I’m going to also start moving my body a few times a week to get the blood kicking again to wake my ass up.
I get frustrated when I’m in zones like this. I’ve known them on and off for as long as I can remember. I’m indecisive and feel really lazy when I’m in them.
I saw Dr. Maya Angelou speak last night and thought about how inspirational she is. How at 82 she just keeps on creating, doing, acting, being. She was amazing.
I’m so fortunate and have a very blessed life. Japan is going through such a horrible tragedy right now and it adds to my, what the hell is up with you Keach attitude. I feel like I should be walking around on clouds and smiling all the time for how blessed I am. But alas, I recognize the unkind attitude towards myself and a ‘should’ expectation that really has no bearing on reality. I’m in a funk. I’m blah. It won’t last. Perhaps at the end of winter by body is preparing for spring.
So, I’m taking steps to make sure my chemicals, nutrition, movement, and sleep are more balanced. I’m taking some time to be still and listen. And most importantly, I’m watching those nasty thoughts that try to beat me up and replace them with loving patient ones. I’m accepting what is and trying to create from there. It’s a waste of my energy trying to be in a space i’m not. However, it is always worth my energy to change my perspective towards the direction I want to go.