Archive

for December, 2010

words unfolding

Unsolicited Advice

When about to give unsolicited advice, pause. Can you be certain this information is going to help them on their own journey of growth? Are they ready to hear what you have to say? Perhaps the advice is meant for yourself. A reminder of sorts. Look at it from that angle see if it feels right.

Writing this is my own reminder. I have to heed my advice giving and reflect on it for myself.

I’m not sure who said it but there is a saying that goes something like this; the teacher teaches what he himself needs to learn.

Posted on December 13, 2010 by Keli · 0 comments Read More
words unfolding

Epictetus

“Things are never bad; it’s the way you think about them.”

Somewhere deep inside this idea feels truthful. I know perception creates reality. I know that murder in some instances isn’t bad. Bad is a judgment called forth from our own experiences.

But what can be said of genocide? Rape of innocent children?

Even if there is karmic debt involved and learning to be had, are these things not bad?

Posted on December 13, 2010 by Keli · 0 comments Read More
words unfolding

Should = Resistance

The word ‘should’ seems to cause me a lot of suffering. It goes against ‘what is’ thereby setting up a situation of resistance. It’s amazing how often this phrase is used in my everyday speech as well as those around me. I hear it in coffee house talks to management meetings.Why do we use it so much? Why do we think everything should be different than the way it is?

Dictionary.com definitions read:
1. pt. of shall.
2. (used to express condition): Were he to arrive, I should be pleased.
3. must; ought (used to indicate duty, propriety, or expediency): You should not do that.
4. would (used to make a statement less direct or blunt): I should think you would apologize.

I read these and feel blech. No thank you. If I “want” something to be different I want to work on making it so. Should is passive and resistant. It doesn’t actually move me forward in a positive way. It’s either a complaint or an act of beating myself up.

Here’s a random list of Should’s I’m going to work on diffusing from my thoughts and communications.

He shouldn’t talk to you like that.
She should be more considerate.
I should do more.
I should be more careful.
Everyone knows that’s how you should do it.
If they aren’t going to do what you want, you shouldn’t be bothered.
She should call me because …
I should do …

Learning all the things that my thoughts do to cause suffering is quite amazing. It’s amazing how these little points of terror can seemingly act like they’re helping you.

Should you no longer have me fooled. I am going to notice your presence and aak myself what really is going on. Am I fighting what is? Am I in a nonacceptance mode?

I’m grateful for self-awareness.

Posted on December 10, 2010 by Keli · 0 comments Read More
1 2